Having a Labored Labor Day

Nothing gives you a reality check more than there being a holiday happening in the USA that is not recognized here in Spain. It's a 'whoa, I'm not in Kansas anymore' kind of feeling. While friends and family in the USA will wake up and prep meat for a BBQ, make salads for picnics, and put beer on ice, I will be starting the week as just any other normal day; only more annoyed than usual.

I could wax poetic about how lovely it is here in Spain, but you all got a load of that in the last post so lets talk shit this week. Let's start with the fact that I went to bed seeing that that moron is wanting to rename New Mexico. Surely it doesn't matter where you fall on the political spectrum, can't we all agree this is utter BS? I try not to read too much of the USA news because it is so horrifying, filled with deportations, ICE shootings, hate crimes, disease and polluted food, but it still seeps in. Family and friends seem more and more disassociated, like kidnapped victims trying to make it through each day. They message me asking for nice stories 'is it amazing there?' they cling to little details that get them through the week. "Are you really drinking Cava every day at lunch?" they ask with hope. I seem to be living this privileged life for many people simultaneously, offering a glimpse of what is still possible, 'Yes, and I water our rooftop terrace citrus trees topless'. I am always trying to give a little nugget of surprise, something that seems to make people laugh and escape their reality for a moment. Most of the time I can do this with ease, but not today. 

Maybe my irritation is in part that I am a little nostalgic knowing it is the heart of harvest time and my husband is back in NM making wine, wine I don't get to try as it pours fresh from the press. Maybe it is that today, Labor Day, I would normally be looking forward to eating my mother-in-law's amazing potato salad, welcoming my parents who always arrive 2 hours early to our house, or raising a glass to the fact that we are not working the wine festival due to the luxury of a prosperous tasting room. As I write this I feel hot stinging tears brimming in my eyes, angry tears. I am so angry that I felt pushed to leave my entire life behind because of the nightmare I saw unfolding. I am so angry that it has unfolded as I thought it would and people are asking "how did you know?!?". I am so angry that I can't hug my mom today, have her stroke my hair as I lay my head in her lap, and have her tell me it is all going to be OK. 

It is as if the ridiculousness of renaming our state suddenly triggered something I was doing a bang up job pushing down. The absurdity of this threat somehow has shown a light on the broken bonds, gaping loses, and substantial pain this move has given us. The pretending that we are still friendly with people when underneath there is a sense of betrayal on both sides is tedious, acting like there isn't an elephant in the room with each interaction. Letting strangers stay in our lovingly curated house, sipping on our wines while enjoying my dream view of a beautiful vineyard is brutal. Selling my brand new I'm-a-grown-up-that-has-made-it car along with every other loved item in my life has left a searing scar. But it is the people that understood our need to move, lovingly kissed us goodbye, wished us good luck while also wishing desperately that they could be moving with us that we miss, we miss them so much it really really hurts. So what are we supposed to do? Request an absentee ballot for an election that I doubt will happen? Laugh at memes of the world ending? Buy new things, keep ignoring the decay of relationships, turn the other cheek, pretend that things are not completely fu*ked up?

I'm sorry to go so dark, I know most of you that read this blog are in the USA stuck in a daily deluge of shit, and those lucky enough to live elsewhere are looking to me for a little levity, so let me pull the drain on this ship of despair and leave you with a bit of fun. I need to turn this day around for me as well, it is going to be a busy week. 

As you all have noticed, it is a constant celebration in Sitges and this week it is even more so as many celebrations overlap! We had the Dance Festival over the weekend, Bears Week parties all week/ weekend, Sept 11th La Diada Nacional de Catalonia which of course starts with a parade of torches on the night of the 10th, and the big Santa Tecla festival (like the Festa Major that just passed with huge parades, 24 hour parties and crazy fireworks) starting its cultural festivities this weekend. So have no fear, I won't be crying in my Cava for long, soon I will be dancing with barely clothed hairy gay men, shaking off fire sparks from an exploding dragon, and laughing with our wonderful new community of friends in the warm sea breeze.