Back to school time is always a little melancholy for me. Having an only child shifts that parent child dynamic and having our daughter go off to college has definitely left a void.
OK OK I will come clean, our daughter is attending the college in town near us and still lives at home. I don't have any right to be so dramatic when other parents are flying across the country to drop their kids off. But I swear it is still an adjustment and it is still time to reassess who I am, what I want, and where I am going. There also seems to be a little bit of who-the-hell-is-this-guy-I-live-with about my husband. I mean has he always taken two naps in front of the TV every night? Has he always walked away in the middle of me telling him something? Did I not catch these things because our daughter was there picking up the slack? The answer is yes. After all she is wickedly funny and endlessly entertaining which is distracting. She listens with interest to what I say and asks me probing questions. It is easy to focus my attention there instead of on the guy ignoring me.
So now I have "time" to deal with. I'm not used to time alone in the house. I travel a lot so my alone time is on the road. At first I hated it, I felt awkward sitting by myself in a restaurant, and I felt silly when I did a touristy thing alone because I felt like everyone was sad for me. Or maybe they thought I was crazy because I think I am funny and crack myself up... even when I am alone. Over time I realized it was simply tragic to not make the most of my trips and I started taking myself out on dates! One of my all time favorite dates was in Berlin, Germany, which included taking multiple trains to an Italian restaurant and seeing an opera, alone. Maybe some of you are the adventurous types and travel solo is no big deal, but for me, I was a wimp traveling without my husband who is my foreign country guide. But on this one trip, I just jumped in and was so shocked at how amazing I am at dates! I got to order anything I wanted at dinner, no sharing, no compromise, and no limitations. Then I saw my favorite opera, Madame Butterfly. My husband isn't the biggest fan of opera, well I guess he isn't the biggest fan of theatre, in fact after we saw Wicked on Broadway, he said "I think I am just over live performances". Do you need to read that again? Ya, I was flabbergasted as well. As a BFA Theatre major, I took it personally. I bet everyone can already picture how many times I have quoted that back to him over the years.
"Honey can you throw a load of bike stuff in the washer for me?"
with a Cheshire Cat grin I respond "You know, I think I am just over doing your laundry".
Anyway, I digress. So I got to enjoy my favorite opera without anyone fidgeting in their chair next to me. I took the train back to my hotel, in the dark (gasp!) and managed the whole thing confidently. The next day I spoke to my husband on the phone. He expected the usual homesick routine I had had on previous trips, but instead I was elated! I said I was having a great time and wasn't ready to come home yet. Luckily I have the most supportive and loving husband on the planet. He knew exactly what I meant by that and his response was to be overjoyed and proud of me. He is pretty awesome, even if he hates theatre.
So here I am now, sitting in the house... by myself.
Whoa.
There is literally nothing new or exciting to "visit" in my house. There is also a very limited number of operas happening at my house. It is just me, sitting awkwardly by myself, thinking how sad I must look.
*** I have to add that my husband has sat through 4 seasons of the Colorado Shakespeare Festival plays (lifetime points earned for that) and recently went with me to see The Book of Mormons in London, England and he LOVED that so there is still hope for him.
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