Covid19 Shopping

The Stay-at-Home-Order is still in effect in New Mexico and we are following it as best we can. Luckily the winery is still in production so there are projects for the winemakers to do. My theory is that these projects keep them more sane perhaps, than some of us that are stuck wandering from the bedroom to the living-room and back again trying to find ways to entertain ourselves for the 5 billionth day in a row.

As you all know, my number 1 hobby is drinking wine, but even I need some diversity. At first it was the Netflix binge, then Hulu, then Hulu add-ons, and of course Prime... I have now literally seen everything ever made. Then, finally I became prey to the click bait ads on social media selling you crap. I've always known that it is going to be cheap fabrics sewn together by children in some far off country, but when you can't sleep at 3am, somehow $15 for that cute shirt that the skinny, beautiful, young model is wearing seems like just the thing you need. Hell maybe it will even inspire you to get dressed, finally, tomorrow. Well, that one purchase turned into several more, like a crackhead I clicked on the PayPal button, eager to pay and leave the site before my conscience could talk me out of it. And after waiting for 4+ weeks for my items to arrive, lets see what I got.

It started with bras. Like most women during this time, it has become a lounge pants and no bra household, however, with an occasional zoom during the week, I decided what I needed was a more comfortable bra, you know, so I'd actually put one on. So, in a wine induced semi-coma, I ordered 2 from a site that promoted themselves as "a bra you will live in"! Why would I order 2 of something I didn't know if I even liked yet? Because they gave me a discount, and I love discounts. When they FINALLY arrived I found out that they pull on over your head, a detail I obviously missed during shopping. The idea is they are on the tight side so they will hold you up and in place without underwire, then you swath your torso with lace straps. These straps not only are the part that makes it pretty, but give you added lift. I managed to get the thing over my head and then like an alligator's jaws, my arms were clasped straight up, shut tight to my head. I attempted to pull it, tug at it and wriggle through it without getting far and decided it needed to come off and be examined for a better approach. Round 2, I got it on and I strapped in. Once on, it was comfortable and I did like the result, but taking it off proved harder than putting it on! Add a bottle of wine to the mix (or maybe more, who's counting?) and it's damn near impossible... so I slept in it. Then wore it all the next day... and slept in it again. I can see why they say you will live in it, you literally have to.

The items I was really excited about were comfy lounge pants that again I was duped into buying 2 of, but the patterns were so cute and the model looked so comfy, that I felt I really needed 2 of them. Especially since I was now a prisoner in my new bra; I needed to compensate with super comfy pants. But, the package seemed to never be arriving, only ever "on its way". What did arrive was a package that I opened with complete confusion. Was this a gift from someone? Who is this company? Turns out it was a super cute shirt, actually 2 (obviously suckered into my usual pitfall of multi purchase clicks), a pair of cute pants and a shirt so ugly I don't know how to explain it. Clearly this was not a secret admirer, it was little ol' me...shopping on a heavy wine buzz. I really should download an app that keeps you from shopping while drinking.

Anyway, I tried on the shirts, yes cute, but made of a fabric (rayon?), that makes them clingy and full of static, something my Covid-diet tummy rolls really don't love. Suddenly $15 for the shirt, nay 2 shirts making it $30, seemed like a lot. Next was the pants, a kind of jogger that fit tight across my hips making my ever increasing butt really unattractive. Kinda like the photos of people's dogs in clothing that fit terribly and clearly the dog is uncomfortable and you wonder why someone would do that to this poor animal. Ya, I was the poor animal, trying to waddle across my living-room to the bathroom mirror. And also yes, I change clothes in the living-room right out in the open, lockdown has made me care very little about a lot of things. Oh and another thing, the pants feel like cardboard, didn't know you could make clothing out of cardboard, but congrats company, you did it! And finally the ugly top. When I looked up the site to remind myself why the hell I would have bought this hurt-your-eyes-neon-hot-pink top with missing fabric cutouts, I found a model leaning against a wall wearing a gentle hue of pink colored top that fell off her shoulder in a temping "I remind you of the '80s and we know you love it" kind of way. Ahhhh yes, it's coming back. But that is NOT the color of the shirt I got, their definition of pink and what I got are seriously different. I mean I think aliens will assume I am signalling to them it is that insanely bright. Also, clearly the size 2 model is wearing a size 400 shirt so that it will hang that way on her. I guess you'd say I lost hard on this purchasing roulette.

At long last the happy day, my lounge pants arrived! Yes, they are super comfy, yes I am wearing them all the time, are they well made? NO! Would I like to send them back? If not in a pandemic where I will be living most of my life on my sofa for the foreseeable future, I would, but paying to send them back and, lets face it, the effort it will take, is more than I can handle.

So now that I have a hideous wardrobe, don't be surprised to see me looking like a joke on our next Zoom. Also, from now on, I am sticking to drunk shopping for wine ONLY.

Stay safe and stay off the the click bait... but as always, whatever you do, Wine First!

10 Reasons Why Social Distancing Isn't So Bad

It's May 1st today, I've been in lockdown since March 13th. The world feels completely foreign and strange and I wonder if I will emerge from this a little bit of a mental person. For obvious reasons social distancing is GREAT, but we are all a little stir crazy as the weeks drag on, but lets focus on some positives. Here are 10 unexpected reasons why I'm loving social distancing:

1) You can skip the makeup entirely and wear a face mask and sunglasses to go out!

2) Day drinking is ok.

3) Wearing PJs all day, every day is not only acceptable, but expected.

4) You can finally catch up on all the shows you've missed.
         
5) Extra time spent with your eye-rolling, opinionated, snarky know-it-all teen.

6) Hours and hours of every day spent staring blankly at your spouse.

7) Cooking every meal of every day, over and over and over and over and over again.

8) Day drinking.

9) Day drinking.

10) Day drinking

I hope this finds you safe and healthy with a fully stocked bar.

And remember, no matter what you do in quarantine, Wine First!