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OK OK OK! Everyone wants to hear about Jesse arriving in Spain so let's go!
He landed on Oct 23 and was delivered to our apartment door by our landlord who has become indispensable. He helped my daughter, Denali, and I move into the new apartment, gets things fixed, drove us to the next town over for registering with the police and has been a personal airport shuttle. The airport shuttle service was of particular help with Jess, who would have happily taken the bus or train, but was saddled with 4 giant suitcases (mostly for us ladies) and his backpack, not exactly easy for public transportation. When he arrived, he stepped out of the van with arms wide open and his signature giant smile.
We couldn't wait to hear all of Jesse's stories and share all of ours. A welcome glass of Cava followed by a sieta and he was feeling right at home. "Driving in you got to see some of the town, what did you think of it?!?" I eagerly asked as the golden sun was starting to set. The sea view from our balcony twinkled in the light and the warm air caused condensation to bead on our cold wine glasses. 'It's kinda ghetto. I was surprised.' Denali and I stared at him gobsmacked. She and I had been so delighted when we arrived here. We have also had some serious trials and tribulations to get through here and that has made it feel even more special. Then again we had already spent 2 months in Spain when we arrived in Sitges so perhaps we had a different view. Nevertheless, we sat there and stared wide eyed at him.
Ghetto?!? I didn't know if I should be sad, mad, betrayed or defensive, but I was 100% shocked. This was definitely NOT the introduction to Sitges we had imagined for him. I mean we know Jess doesn't do jubalent or extatic, but this was harsh. I started to second guess everything.
A little jetlagged the next morning, he allowed me to drag him out on the walking tour of the main circle through town. As I pointed out various landmarks, I noticed that the tarnish on the buildings was a little bit blacker and the sun baked colorful umbrellas a little bit duller to me. Had I been wearing rose colored glasses this entire time??? I tried to think of things that he would appreciate... the town dates back to the 4th century B.C., the Malvasia grape is native to Sitges, the temperature is perfect year round, and there are bike trails into the hills just behind us. I took him to the most stunning views in town, we sat on the beach and drank Rose, and we even took him to one of the most famous gay bar in Spain, The Boys Bar, for a standup comedy show (who doesn't love a gay bar?), but this nut was hard to crack. He said it was beautiful. He said it was great. He looked like he'd dropped his ice cream cone.
After a few more days of stressful work conversations, concern over our home being newly listed on Airbnb, and a general state of depression in the air as I slumped, I suddenly remembered that Spain me isn't like this. Spain me is so happy! I love this town, I think it is gorgeous! I love the beautiful promenade with its incredible restaurants and cafes. I love the charming twists and turns of the old town packed with shops, great shops too not the usual touristy crap. I love that the town is passionate about its foodie scene and more importantly its wine heritage. I am routinely struck by the stunning views and the incredible kindness of the locals. It was time for a talk, was Jess going to fall in love with Sitges or were we needing to shop for a new home?
I was in a good space now that I remembered that Spain me is awesome and not the worrywart-stressed-out-scared-of-what-is-happening-in-the-USA me, so I was able to come to this discussion with gentleness. To my surprise it was actually Jesse that asked that we gather in the living room to talk. He had a vulnerability on his face and he said "I'm sorry you guys. I arrived and disrupted everything you had going on here and I want to know how to assimilate into your scene." Our daughter, always so articulate and direct, told him how much it hurt our feelings that he didn't like Sitges. He quickly informed us that he actually LOVES it here! His eyes shimmering with passion, I could tell this was not just him placating us. I reminded him of how he had called it ghetto and that he had not conveyed to us that he loved it or appreciated it at all. True to form he used humor to illustrate his point 'what exactly were you hoping my enjoyment would look like? I don't skip or say yippie'. Just the idea of seeing Jesse doing these things immediately put the expectations we had had in check. Ya, what had we wanted from him? Probably skipping and singing yippie! He also shared where he was coming from, mentally, emotionally, and physically. It really helped to hear just how stressful getting ready to leave New Mexico had been for him and the disappointment he felt that some of the people he considers most important to him didn't make the effort to say goodbye. He was physically exhausted from working crush for the winery and from travel. He shared how he had imagined this place to be Spain's version of Saint Tropez which in his mind translated to a Beverly Hills wealthy thing that would cause us to go broke instantaneously. Plain and simple, Sitges was not as polished as he expected. It was more like worn leather and gold bangles than furs and rhinestones. OK he didn't say it exactly like that, I used a little poetic license. His initial description of Sitges also reflects that he has vomit mouth where he says whatever jumps into his head first. I am familiar with this aspect of his personality and it has resulted in several arguments. All I'm saying is don't ask if your butt looks big in those pants, not only will you hate the pants, but you may never want anyone to see your butt ever again. It meant a lot to us that he recognized his poor word choice in this circumstance and retracted 'ghetto'. Landing in charming little Sitges with its down to earth vibe and comfortable laid back atmosphere took him by surprise, but he can't get over its beauty and swagger. OK I added 'swagger' because that is how it seems to me, like the town equivalent of Matthew Mcconaughey saying 'alright, alright, alright'. Jess stated that we would not be looking for somewhere else to call home, this was the place and he couldn't be happier. The 3 of us smiled and laughed and hugged just like in a corny made for TV movie.
It has been a week since Jess arrived in his new home town. The amazing, intoxicating reality of living in Spain is recognizing how different you feel here. Not an external feeling that your body perceives like the weather or even social differences. It is the slow pace and focus on daily happy living that is palpable and forces you to be a more authentic version of yourself. I am loving being able to watch Jesse experience this transition and relax into a new version of himself, one with less frustration and conflict.
Most days we do wake up excited to embrace the day. Most days we gaze at the incredible history marked buildings leaning over cobblestone streets and arching over the sea and marvel that we live here. On occasion there are days that hurt with the loss of our lives back in NM, or we ache with the difficulties of living abroad, but it passes and we return to being so deeply grateful to be here. I do think we are smiling more here. The stress lines on our faces are softer already, and I think I even heard Jesse say "yippie!" under his breath yesterday.
